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Self-confidence is that delicate space between shattered self-esteem and an arrogance laced ego - Your self-confidence; it makes a difference. My years of coaching has taught me that those who are successful believe that their own self-confidence has been significantly enhanced by the explicit positive actions, behaviours and successes of those they have worked with or observed. If this is true, then as managers and leaders we have an obligation to manage our own self-confidence levels, and moreover, to inspire others to positively manage theirs.
Experience tells me, that for many, self-confidence levels are well below a successful mindset. Indeed, they are much more fragile than we would imagine. This mindset is one of "can't do" rather than "can do" and is unfortunately imprinted by many more negative than positive influences. I would suggest that, within my coaching practice, self-confidence levels, in the majority of people I see, are well below healthy levels. I would further contend that a healthy level of self-confidence is a corner stone to performance and success.
Self-confidence is generally described as a mental state of being certain or self-assured with any thought or situation in the moment. It might be viewed as an emotional state of mind or belief in oneself to step forward and succeed. What self-confidence does is enable individuals to obtain control of situations or circumstances rather than being controlled by them. In doing so, it can assist in relieving anxiety or unnecessary and unhealthy fears. More importantly, it can set positive expectations for positive outcomes.
I offer this thought - self-confidence is owned. The self-confidence you have within you is yours and belongs only to you. You should protect and continue to build on it even if that means a face-to-face chat with the reflection you see in the mirror. I would never suggest that it will not come under extreme pressure from time to time but the power to control it is within you. In fact, you can learn how to use your self-confidence as a means to out-perform others around you. Believing in yourself allows you to gain the upper hand on those who are unable to model those same positive beliefs. It means that in all situations, and regardless of who is around you, you can feel in control. Of course, that means you must be willing to take all necessary steps to accomplish what is set out in front of you. Your self-confidence is the foundation to your personal and professional successes. Never allow anyone to strip away the self-confidence you have in yourself. It is yours to keep and hang onto forever. And, it is only you who can allow others to diminish your self-confidence.
At all levels of an organization, people are individuals. It is only social rules, experience or corporate governance that has provided particular individuals with unique benefits such as privileged knowledge, titles, corner offices and executive perks. In turn, this has provided some with power, real or perceived, or with a position of authority. Or, more to the point, they have been provided with the knowledge or power that you or they feel gives them power over you. The reality is that they came into the world the same way and they will leave the same way - with a first and final breath. What individuals have been exposed to during their lives and what they have learned or how they choose to use what they have experienced is what positions them in relation to others. In fact, on a personal note, I know I have observed and experienced both high and low levels of self-confidence regardless of stature, role or title.
Very early in my career I had the opportunity to get to know on the president of the company on a personal level. On one particular occasion I was out in a canoe with him on a lake at his summer home. I was trying to be very exact with all of my actions. My dialogue was stiff and uncomfortable, more or less saying "Yes sir, no sir, three bags full sir". As we approached the dock, and he stepped out of the canoe, he tipped me into the lake. As he extended his hand to help me out of the water with a friendly smile he casually reminded me that like everyone else he liked to have fun too. I never forgot that lesson; that conversation instilled within me a level of self-confidence for all the years that followed. I learned how to treat people more senior than I. While I treat more senior people with the respect they deserve or that they have earned, the fact is, they really are the same as you and I. We all deserve and should earn the right degree of personal respect. Consider that the interaction and observations you will have with individuals along the road to success could significantly influence your learning and the development of your own self-confidence.
Managing Upward - Your superior self-confidence will be critical in dealing with individuals in more senior positions. They will quickly recognize it, will more likely be at ease with you and will respect your capabilities, whatever the situation. It is possible that the leaders themselves might be unsure or not be knowledgeable on certain topics. Not surprisingly, leaders cannot be expected to be experts in all areas. Your self-confidence level will allow for continued reliance in you. They will come to appreciate you for the value you bring to them in the workplace. You might find that more tasks will likely be delegated to you as their confidence in you increases. At times, they will not always be able to determine or properly assess your ability or personal motivation for a particular task. So, you will have to work at making that clear to them in order to complete the task effectively. Managing up is an important skill to learn as you discover the real certainty and knowledge within you. This self-confidence will emerge from within you. Indeed, it may be the key ingredient in providing you that opportunity to succeed. At the same time, it can make you a role model for other employees to manage up as well.
On many occasions I have done what I could to manage up or become a coach for my manager. For example, I have given them tips on how things might work best or alternatives that work well in prior similar situations. One of the easiest ways to proceed is to simply ask how they felt about how something unfolded or how they might have done it differently. Sometimes I would come right out and ask if they are open to an alternative approach and then have just left them with compelling ideas that they can pick and choose from. Overtime, and with the right level of respect, leaders will often seek you out - a very rewarding experience.
Managing Downward - As you interact with your employees, your self-confidence will be a beacon for their determined reliance in you as a manager; as your self-confidence on an issue builds, so too will theirs. Allow it to slip and you will come under scrutiny. An important practice is that of allowing and encouraging your employees to bring forward ideas - especially ideas that might be better than your own. Encourage them to be their best and accept openly that some will some day move at a pace faster than you. Encouraging this will allow them to see that they, too, can become more successful than they ever realized. And, they will respect you for encouraging such a mindset. Don't try and guess or interpret what individuals want, as this will shut them off to a world that they don't yet know exists. As a leader, it is up to you to provide an environment that is open and to provide guidance as to how to explore the world at their fingertips. In doing so, what happens? They have self-confidence in you, you in them, and they in themselves. You have created a powerful energy that will propel success - theirs and yours!
Managing Across - In working with your peers the same holds true as with managing upwards or downwards. You will be observed and scrutinized. There is both a collaborative and competitive nature to the environment and the individual with the greatest level of self-confidence will often stride further than their peers might. Obtain knowledge or facts, become realistic of the situation, set appropriate goals for yourself and others and enlist the support of those who will positively influence the outcomes. A leadership team with soaring self-confidence will, in fact, define the culture of an organization, a culture of self-confidence! This is a culture that asks more than tells and rewards more than punishes.
As you learn to accept your own level of self-confidence and use it in a positive way, it can be a powerful tool for advancing you closer to your personal and professional goals. A word of caution though, be sure that you do not mistake uncontrolled ego for controlled or perceived self-confidence in yourself and in others. I have learned first hand, that the self-confidence managers and leaders have should be worked at in two ways, equally; sustaining and enhancing one's own confidence and also eliciting it in those you lead. The success of leadership should not be a measurement of the leader alone but rather by the confidence within those that they are accountable for.
Ron Foss is the Senior Partner of EQ Management Group committed to improving management capability. He can be reached at rfoss@eqmg.com - More information can be discovered at http://www.eqmg.com
If you want to know how to build self confidence, it's important to acknowledge that you can become more confident. Being self confident is all about having a 'can do' attitude and focusing on the possibilities in life. Confidence boosters are great assets to those who want to have high self esteem. Overcoming a lack of self confidence starts from within each individual and it requires an increase in self awareness.
The following strategies will lead to higher levels of self confidence and ultimately high self esteem. They will show you how to build self confidence through proven techniques that have worked for others:
1. Believe you can succeed. Simply hoping or wishing you could have high self esteem will not work. You must believe you can succeed. That means believing in yourself and knowing that you can tap into your internal resources to identify strengths and opportunities as confidence boosters.
2. Recognize your values. Self confident people have strong values and they live their lives based on their values. Identify your personal values and what you want to accomplish in life. Live life according to your values and your self confidence will improve.
3. Face your fears. Improving self confidence and creating high self esteem comes from knowing what holds you back and what you fear. Increasing self confidence depends on your ability to face your fears. If you're afraid of public speaking, acknowledge it and create steps to overcome it. Identify and face your fears and your self confidence will escalate.
4. Take action. The more interactions you have with people and situations, the more you learn. Taking action gives you a sense of accomplishment and pride and increases confidence. Taking action may require reading a book, participating in a forum, speaking to a group, or any number of things. Take action to overcome your fears and your confidence will rise. Take action to leverage your strengths and add value for others and your self confidence will soar. Don't sit and wait for things to happen. Take action.
5. Prepare for life. Arthur Ashe, a great tennis pro, once said, "One important key to success is self-confidence. An important key to becoming more self confident is preparation." You can prepare yourself for situations in many ways. Maybe you need more education, rehearsal, practice, or other activities. Perhaps you need to read a book, watch a video, or practice a speech in front of a mirror. Preparing for things in life will give you greater self confidence and ability to succeed. Don't obsess over what you don't know - prepare by taking action!
6. Accept that you are not perfect. No one is perfect so why do you expect yourself to be perfect? You will make mistakes and encounter challenges. But your confidence will increase with every encounter. Don't become paralyzed by fear of failure. Accept that you may not always be perfect and you can live life with enthusiasm and adventure and build self confidence. Learn from your mistakes and keep moving forward. As Peter McIntyre once said, "Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong." Now that's success!
If you really want to know how to become more self confident, then start looking inwardly at yourself. Identify your strengths and accept your weaknesses. Learn to take action and learn from all that life has to offer. Do not fear failure, but view it as a gift that offers you insights into how to improve the next time. When you are self confident, you will find that high self esteem follows and is a gift that enables you to add greater value to the world and those around you.
Take advantage of confidence boosters and improve self confidence with every situation in life. Increase your self confidence, go forward, and live life to its fullest potential every day.
For more information on overcoming negative thoughts and becoming more positive, please visit http://www.yougoingforward.com. This article may be distributed freely on your website, as long as this entire article, including links and this resource box are unchanged.
Copyright 2009 David Walker All Rights Reserved.
Course Made Good Ltd
http://www.yougoingforward.com
If there is one underlying factor that prevents us from having the friends we want, getting the things we wish, attracting the partners we desire, impressing our peers, or achieving fulfillment and happiness it is low self-confidence.
It doesn't matter who you are, how successful you have been, we all have situations or times in our lives where we don't feel as confident or sure of ourselves. Sometimes we don't even fully realize it, but we get nervous, become quiet, or don't appear as strong and assured as we would like, for those times we have these 10 techniques to improve self confidence.
1. To improve self confidence, realize that you are not alone in your feelings of uncertainty. A good deal of low self confidence is directly related to irrational beliefs we have that others around us are somehow immortal and do not suffer from the same uncertainties we do. Begin with the understanding that we all experience lapses in our self confidence and that nobody else is 100% self assured.
2. When you hit a low point in your self confidence you often are worried about what other people will think. Who wants to look like a fool in front of someone they feel is very important? To counter this feeling, convince yourself that everyone else who you think is judging your every action and word is probably more messed up than you are! Seriously, we tend to drastically overestimate the importance and intelligence of other people. By thinking of others as mere mortals we can improve self confidence quickly.
3. Become smarter in the field you intend to play. A very good way to improve self confidence is to learn more than the others you want to impress, attract or interact with. Gaining specialized knowledge is a super way to lessen intimidation and increase overall self esteem.
4. Focus on what you are good at. When you see people that appear at the top of their game, completely self assured they often appear that way because they are extremely confident in certain areas of their lives and they stick to those areas. If you are stuck in a job where you have little skill and even less ambition, then yes, you will continually have low self confidence because you are not playing to an area of strength.
5. Have a purpose that drives you, gives your life meaning and offsets your uncertainty is one of the best ways to improve self confidence. Just like it is hard to laugh and cry at the same time, it's hard to be focused and on-purpose yet still have low self confidence.
6. Fake it until you make it. One of the most valuable courses I ever took in school was dramatic arts. That's right, learning to act. From that point on I knew that in situations where I had low self confidence at least I could fall back on "acting" my way out until I could improve self confidence.
7. Use visualizations to improve self confidence by running through positive scenarios in your mind just before or during periods where your self esteem is challenged. When your visualizations are positive enough and real enough you can make massive advances in your self confidence levels.
8. In times when you are not at your best, where your confidence is challenged, power your way through it. The worst thing you can do is give in to your fears as that just leads to even lower self esteem the next time around.
9. Pay attention to your inner dialog stopping yourself whenever you are turning negative or self-defeating thoughts over in your head. By substituting positive visualizations for negative self-talk you can instantly improve self confidence.
10. Get involved in activities that help build inner strength and improve self confidence. A good example is martial arts. With its focus on discipline, inner awareness and strength you can break through many of the personal limitations that were previously holding you back.
There are ways you can immediately improve self confidence in your life taking you to amazing levels of achievement, fulfillment and joy so stop suffering, take control and let your true potential finally shine through for all the world to see.
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We were not born with confidence, but this trait can be taught, nurtured and built over the years. With self confidence comes better self esteem. At any stage in life, confidence is something that can be learned. Dr. Karl Menninger once wrote, "Fears are educated into us, and they can, be educated out." Confidence can be educated into us too.
Consider using these steps as the building blocks for greater confidence and self esteem.
1. Start writing a journal.
One way to do an effective self-analysis is to start with a personal journal or diary. Write down your perceptions about self-confidence. Write any thoughts that come to mind. Also, try to ask yourself what stops you from getting to a point in your life that you want to achieve. This practice does not work for everyone, so if, after experimenting with a journal, it does not increase your self-confidence, try another technique.
2. Do a self-evaluation.
Learn to assess yourself objectively. Doing so allows you to prevent the constant state of confusion that comes from dependence on other people's views. Concentrating internally on how you think and feel about your own behavior, lifestyle, work, etc. will provide you a stronger sense of self awareness.
3. Accept and love yourself.
With a self-assessment comes the realization of your weak points. Do not be dissuaded by this discovery. Learn to embrace and accept yourself for who you are as a person. Everyone has his own distinctive abilities, qualities, and characteristics. We are all unique. Never compare yourself to others. In your journal, make an inventory of things that make you unique. For example, you can make a list under the title, "What Makes Me Unique." Write down interests and preferences that make you distinct. Be proud of your achievements and revel in your uniqueness. You must learn to accept and be proud of who you are. Only then will you feel your self-confidence shoot up to the skies!
4. Concentrate on your strengths rather than on your weaknesses.
Confidence comes from within. Concentrate on positive things about yourself. Remember the past is over; you can only change the future. Write down ten positive things about yourself. Go through your journal and look at all the positive things about yourself. Concentrate on your potentials. These are the reasons why you love and believe in yourself. Give yourself credit for every positive thing you have written about yourself. Remember, you are somebody special.
5. Overcome fears and doubts.
Some people feel insecure, thinking they can never be successful in anything they do. Such insecurity will only lead to lack of confidence in yourself and in everything you do in your life.
Keep in mind: If you haven't tried something, you can never say that you will fail in it. For instance, your boss is asking you to supervise a group but you fear that you will make a mess out of it. Such fear will stop you from taking on that job. However, if you're a confident person, you would not think twice about failing and willingly take on that job. Lack of confidence can affect your career growth.
6. Motivate yourself.
Whether it is for a presentation, an interview, or anything at all, remind yourself that you can do it. Motivate yourself every day; and soon, you will find your confidence level increasing.
A helpful way to motivate yourself is by keeping a list of at least five things that you did well for that day. This activity reaffirms your strong belief that you can achieve what you set your mind to accomplish.
7. Engage in positive self-talk.
Use positive self-talk as a chance to displace destructive thoughts crowding your mind. When you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts, remind yourself to "stop" and replace them with positive thoughts. One good way to crowd out negative thoughts is by reading and listening to positive things. Reading and listening to positive and affirming materials will enrich your abilities and talents to develop your self-confidence. Read and listen to inspiring stories of successful individuals. You will discover that a lot of them underwent tough circumstances, had many difficulties and challenges in life, yet they overcame these difficulties and became successful in their endeavors.
8. Visualize your future success.
Regularly imagine yourself enjoying success! Feel the excitement, anticipation, exhilaration, and thrill of victory. In order to become more confident, you must picture yourself as a person with high self-esteem. Picture your self tackling a tough challenge and overcoming it with poise and confidence. Use your five senses to make the picture in your mind vivid and seem real. Let us say that as part of the application process to teach at a music school, you will have to give a piano recital to the school's faculty. You are having trouble relaxing. Imagine your self entering the room and confidently striding towards the piano. Visualize yourself performing with confidence and joy. Imagine your audience clapping their hands and shouting, "Excellent!" Take in the sight, smell and taste of success. Isn't it exhilarating?
9. Acknowledge your success.
Give yourself credit for everything you try. Emphasize the process of achieving, those brave and simple efforts exerted, instead of focusing on success itself as the end product. Congratulate and reward yourself each time you do something that makes you feel satisfied. Treat yourself, you deserve it. Nurture this feeling by reminding yourself of past successes. In your journal, write the instances where you feel the happiest. It may be an incident or performance where you felt appreciation and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Bask on these memories and draw strength from these. Say this aloud, "If I was able to achieve these in the past, I can achieve more today and in the future."
10. Accept and reframe failures.
It is an indication of a healthy mind if you are able to accept negative aspects of yourself. If you are always crying over the errors that you made in the past, you will never get anywhere.
Always remember that past mistakes and failures cannot be reversed; what is done is done. Accept that mistakes do happen. Understand that every mistake or failure you make is a step towards success. When you recognize mistakes as an opportunity to learn, you minimize fear of failure and boost your confidence.
11. Take risks.
Try doing things that you have never tried before. It is always a challenge to do new things. The mere act of accepting these challenges, whether you become successful or not, adds a tremendous boost in your self-confidence. Shrinking from challenges prevents us from learning new skills, discourages us from testing our limits, and forces us to live unexciting lives within our comfort zones. People with high level of self-confidence are not afraid of going out and doing things. They may have limited talent or capability; but going out and doing "it" is no problem for them because they feel confident that they will succeed. They are less afraid of committing mistakes and they utilize more opportunities to succeed. Self-confident people probably commit more mistakes than those who are not self-confident, but they are most likely to have far more enriching successes because of their confidence in themselves.
12. Act confidently.
Your success at nearly every endeavor you undertake is largely affected by your self-image. People who have confidence in their self-worth seem to be magnets for success and happiness. Think confident and act confident.
13. Attend seminars.
It is good to attend seminars with professional and motivational speakers offering suggestions and guidance on building confidence. During the lecture, you can pick up tips on public speaking by observing the speaker's body language and the manner he projects himself.
14. Recharge regularly.
Arrange to spend time alone to recharge yourself mentally, physically, and spiritually. Take some time off to relax by yourself in a quiet place
15. Build a network of supportive relationships.
One of the most certain ways to increase confidence is to ensure you have love in your life. Love and self-confidence increase when you serve other people and when you nurture your relationships with those who help you grow. A person gets a boost of self-confidence from knowing that the Universe/Source/God supports him/her as he/she pursues his/her purpose in life.
These strategies can help you strengthen and build your self-confidence and self esteem in every stage of your life. Self-confidence can help you in all aspects of your work life: job search, interviewing, getting promotions, handling unemployment, starting a home-based business and in developing positive relationships. Make use of these strategies and see positive changes in yourself.
If you need help implementing these steps visit http://www.career-development-services.com. To read more on confidence visit http://www.improveandprosper.com
We all know self-confidence is critical to both personal and business success. However, despite a track record of success in a certain situation we can still feel like we wish we had more confidence overall and even in that situation.
Our research indicates there are two levels of self-confidence: Internal and Situational.
Internal Self-Confidence
Internal self-confidence is rooted in self-discipline, which leads to self-respect, which results in self-confidence. It is these factors of self-discipline and self-respect which result in our internal self-confidence, and the starting point for our level of confidence in any given situation. This is why so many efforts to increase self-confidence fail since people are trying to change an outcome (self-confidence) without addressing the drivers of that outcome.
Situational Self-Confidence
Situational (social, work, recreational, etc.) self-confidence is a combination of our internal self-confidence adjusted for past experiences, if any, and perceptions about our ability in that particular situation. This mix of internal/external drivers of self-confidence explains why some people can more comfortably approach a completely new situation than others, or deal with surprises.
This internal/external mix is also why some people never seem to be able to reach a desired level of self-confidence in a given situation regardless of their level of experience in that situation. Their internal level of confidence may simply be such that even when positive situational experiences are added to it, the overall level of self-confidence simply isn't high enough. Only by focusing on their self-discipline and self-respect will they be able to raise up that overall level of self-confidence to the level they want.
Relatedly, this mix is also why some people bounce back quickly from a "failure" or negative experience, while others seem to be deeply damaged by it. Those with a high level of internal self-confidence are, in a sense, insulated from the negative experience associated with that one situation and able to draw from their inner self-confidence to learn from it and move on.
Building Self-Confidence
Far from being driven by an attitude, self-confidence is built by actions and experience and the starting point is with ourselves. If you wish to build a high level of self-confidence it is important to focus less on self-confidence itself, and more on building self-discipline. Your success is mastering yourself will build not only your abilities but also your sense of self respect. When you respect yourself you will naturally have more confidence in any given situation and be able to brush off setbacks and work through challenges.
http://www.percess.com is a leading online resource helping people live a life of achievement, meaning, and enjoyment both personally and in their business. We do this through a bi-weekly newsletter, our online assessments and tools, and educational articles and programs. These resources help guide you from where you are to where you want to be, while enjoying the trip.
Copyright 2008, Percess Technologies, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Contact chris_riche@percess.com for information on this and other articles.
We all have a certain level of self confidence. Without it we simply won't be able to function in the world. We all need self confidence because without it we simply won't be able to attempt or even do anything. So, what is self confidence really? Self confidence is your confidence or your sense of certainty in yourself. This confidence can be reflected in many different areas of your life and you might have confidence in certain areas, but lack it in others.
Brian Tracy, in his remarkable self confidence program, The Science of Self-Confidence, outlines the importance of self confidence in every area of your life. The ability to achieve your goals relies heavily upon your belief in yourself. Whether you belief you can or whether you believe you can't, either way you will be right. What you believe and what you feel certain about is what you act upon - or what you fail to act upon.
We all need this sense of certainty in the things we attempt to do. Certainty makes us feel confident in our ability to deal with a situation. Without certainty we tend to hesitate as we are unfamiliar with what might happen. As human beings we ALL need a sense of certainty. If you lack that sense of certainty you will remain immobilized by your own lack of confidence.
I must admit that I was one of those people who firmly believed that one gets born with confidence. I mean, have you ever seen someone who is really self confident and truly self assured. They just seem so in control and so alive; as if nothing can stop them. Is this a 'given' or is it something you learn? The truth is that either way, we all want it and you probably can't ever have enough of it. Only after investing in a good self confidence program did my perception of self confidence start to change - and thankfully so.
Self confidence is nothing but a state of mind. It's an attitude and something that can be learned. Think about it - when you actually feel self confident it's only a feeling isn't it? It does not rely on anything outside yourself, but relies solely on the process of though and on how you organize ideas and response in your mind.
By learning to consciously cultivate these attitudes you can learn to be confident. Like building muscles, you systematically, purposefully build confidence in yourself until you learn to rely on yourself without hesitation. Building self confidence is a cycle that can either serve you or break you down even further. The self confidence-cycle is self reinforcing - the more you act on your doubts, the more confidence you build and the more confidence you have the easier it is to just do it with certainty, the more you are willing to do...and the cycle continues.
Investing in a good self confidence program will proof to be priceless as the process of building self confidence is not that straight forward. Self confident people have this ability to 'switch on' their self confidence in every area of life, even if they haven't done something before or even if they feel fearful. Developing your self confidence has become an exact science. We now know exactly how the most confident people do and what they do to create that sense of certainty within themselves. This is not some quick fix or magic bullet strategy as some self confidence program might promise. It's a quality that you must cultivate within yourself. What will change immediately though is your perception of yourself and that is the vital element in developing your self confidence.
Your ability to pursue your goals, to just do it and to succeed is directly related to your level of confidence in yourself and your own ability to be effective.
Regardless of what you want to be, do or have in your life - you will need self confidence. Without that inner certainty in yourself, you simply won't have the necessary backup from within to be truly effective. Confident people radiate their certainty and they are attractive in more than one way. Self confidence is the key to turning yourself ON. Only when you learn to trust and believe in yourself can you really get the most out of yourself and activate your ability to create and direct your own life.
Article: http://www.Sincere-Advice.com/self_confidence.html
If you are looking to raise your own self confidence, Brian Tracy?s program The Science of Self-Confidence can help you awaken and develop that unshakable confidence and belief in yourself.
Self-esteem and self-confidence are often confused. They are not the same. There are some fine but crucial points of difference.
What is Self- Esteem?
Self- esteem is valuing oneself unconditionally, if you are alive you can have full self- esteem. Go on, you have permission. Self-esteem is valuing yourself as a human being. When a baby comes in to the world, it can't do anything. It can't clean up after itself, feed itself or even stay alive without help. Yet we value it absolutely, we say it is special, unique and precious. And it is! You were a baby like this once, your value and worth is intrinsic. It is there all the time, no-one can take it away from you. If you think you have low self esteem, just remember the baby and how precious and special it is, then apply that awe and gratitude to yourself. You are alive, you have the powers of thought, emotion, speech & movement. You can do things! When you think about the amazing freedom of being alive and being able to think, feel, speak and behave as you want, this is awe inspiring. Remember to be in awe of your human powers and remember how special and unique you are. No-one is quite like you. No matter what you do or who you are you can esteem yourself.
What is Self-Confidence?
Self-Confidence is having the confidence that you can do this or that thing. It is about your skills and performance and is conditional. If you are competent at a certain skill, you can be confident that you can do that. Confidence is conditional upon you being good at the said skill. If you are not good at it, there is no use being confident. If you are confident that you can skydive buy you've never done it before and know nothing about it, that is recipe for disaster. Confidence without competence will make you a fool. Your confidence will improve naturally as your competence increases. There is another element that you can be confident in that can help you improve your confidence at any skill...
What is Self-Efficacy?
Self-Efficacy is the understanding and belief in yourself that comes from becoming confident at a number of different skills. As you learn and master each new skill, your confidence in your ability to learn becomes stronger and you start to believe in your own efficacy. The thinking goes like this: "I've learnt to walk, talk, think for myself, drive a car, look after myself, insert other skills here, so I'm able to learn anything. I may not know how to do it right now, but I know how to find someone to teach me and I know how to spend the time and resources necessary to learn a new skill, so yes, I could do anything!
Self- efficacy is wonderful feeling. It is often confused with self-confidence, the difference being efficacy is the confidence in your own learning skills, it has nothing to do with any one particular performance so it becomes unconditional. You can have a high self-esteem and a high self-efficacy all the time, unconditionally, however your self-confidence would be different depending on how competent you are at each different thing.
It is very important to separate self-esteem from the other two because if your sense of worth and value ( your self-esteem ) is riding on how good you are at something then you can feel great one day and terrible the next. This does not make for a very happy person. You will never be excellent at everything, because human beings are always learning, and that's ok. You can feel good about yourself even if you lose a sports match or don't perform as well as you would like at any one thing, because you know that success or or failure at that one thing does not affect your worth and value as a person. You are worth so much more than the total of everything you do.
Now that you understand the difference between the three, how do you think you're going?
If you were to give yourself a rating out of 10 for each...
How high is your self-esteem?
How high is your self-confidence to do something you're really good at?
How high is your self-confidence to do something that you've just started to learn?
How much do you believe you can learn anything you put your mind to ( Self-efficacy )?
Exercises to improve each...
You can improve your self-esteem by being kind to yourself. Say daily positive affirmations and remember that you have powers and uniqueness that no-one else has. Take a moment each night to celebrate your successes and remember how special and unique you are.
Improve your self-confidence by practicing whichever skill or performance you would like to be more confident at, when you are competent, or masterful at that performance the confidence will come. Keep practicing!
Improve your self-efficacy by thinking about, and listing, all the things in your life that you've learnt, from the smallest to the biggest. Think about the process of learning, find the similarities in the learning journey. You know this journey. You know the steps, so even if you don't know exactly what you will be doing, you can be confident that you can handle it.
Do you esteem yourself? Are you grateful and appreciative of the powers that you have as a human being?
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"Self-confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings." - Samuel Johnson
As a child, I was quiet and shy and I thought Self-Confidence was something you either had or didn't have - like being tall or having red hair. Actually, I thought it was something that the "lucky" people had. Fortunately for me, I learned that Self-Confidence is a quality that can be developed. In fact, I find Self-Confidence to be a wonderful byproduct of understanding and applying the Law of Attraction. With the Law of Attraction, you can enjoy the Self-Confidence that comes from knowing who you really are, from knowing how life works, from knowing how to make your dreams come true. With the Law of Attraction, the Self-Confidence is available to everyone.
Having lived without a lot of Self-Confidence in my younger years, I can tell you - Life is MUCH better with it. Self-Confidence opens doors. It allows you to live fully, to get in the game, to play full out. With Self-Confidence, you apply for the promotion, start the business, say YES to opportunities. With Self-Confidence, life is richer and fuller and a whole lot more FUN!
Self-Confidence starts with seeing something you want to do and giving it a try. Michael Jordan wasn't born knowing how to play basketball, but he had a desire to play and it turned out he was pretty good at it. Lance Armstrong wasn't born with the skill and endurance to win the Tour de France seven consecutive times, but he got on the bike and built confidence along the way. Self-Confidence is a quality we all possess - a quality we can develop from the inside out.
Self-Confidence - like everything else - is a choice. You can CHOOSE to be more Self-Confident. At those times when you feel insecure, uncertain, or powerless, remind yourself that you're in charge and you can choose how you feel. You can choose to feel self-assured, certain, decisive, and positive. Here are seven ways to adopt an attitude of Self-Confidence:
To be a confident person, ACT like a confident person. Think of someone who appears to be brimming with confidence and BE like them.
Ask yourself: "What can I do to feel more confident?" Choose one thing you can do today to increase your feelings of Self-Confidence and do it. Take the first step. "A journey of 1000 miles..."
Look your best - even if you work at home, even if you're a stay-at-home mom, even if there doesn't appear to be any real reason to care about your appearance. It's a way to respect yourself and you'll be ready to answer the door when opportunity knocks.
Because belief is just a thought you keep thinking, keep thinking thoughts such as: "I AM a confident person. I radiate Self-Confidence. I project an aura of Self-Confidence." Think and FEEL these kinds of affirmations and your Self-Confidence will go through the roof!
Focus on what you love and appreciate and value about yourself. Once you get focused on your positive aspects, you'll realize how great you truly are!
Notice when you DO feel confident. Maybe someone gave you a compliment, thanked you for a job well done, asked you for a date. FEEL the satisfaction, the pleasure, the confidence. The more you FEEL it, the more Self-Confidence will become your dominant vibration.
Here's an exercise to amp up your Self-Confidence in an even bigger way. Close your eyes and breathe deeply, relaxing your body to completely. As you relax and breathe slowly, summon up the FEELING of Self-Confidence from your core. Let this feeling flow throughout your body. Now imagine yourself in a situation where you want to feel supremely Self-Confident. Perhaps you see yourself making a presentation at work, submitting your manuscript to a publisher, or interacting with others at a social event. Visualize yourself feeling and behaving with ease and grace in this situation. Play the scene over and over again in your mind as you FEEL self-assured and empowered. Savor the joyful, powerful, fully alive feeling of Self-Confidence. As you open your eyes, set your intention to be able to summon up this wonderful state of Self-Confidence whenever you desire.
As you know, Self-Confidence is an inside job. It's about trusting yourself, believing in yourself, knowing, loving and respecting yourself. If there's something you want to do, summon up your Self-Confidence, align your Energy and go for it. Self-Confidence: Don't leave home without it!
Kate Corbin is a Law of Attraction Life Coach and the creator of Gold Star Coaching. Both her coaching practice and her two ebooks - Dining at the Cosmic Cafe: How to Be and Do and Have Whatever You Desire http://www.goldstarcoaching.com/cosmiccafe.html as well as Think and Grow Thin with the Law of Attraction - are designed to empower you to truly live the life of your dreams. To contact Coach Kate, check out her books, and subscribe to her free ezine, Magical Musings, visit http://www.goldstarcoaching.com/
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